The one attraction I was most excited to visit in Boerne, Texas was the open farmer’s market. With visions of jams, honeys and cases of peaches dancing in our heads, Dave and I headed out early to the town plaza….only to discover it completely deserted. Apparently, the farmer’s market was only held one Saturday a month and we were one week too late.
I was crestfallen.
No jams! No honeys! No peaches!
It was a sad, sad moment.
The only thing left to do was look around one of the few antique stores that were open at that hour. If anything, Dave and I had planned on buying each other a knickknack from the trip so here was our opportunity to shop.
Mopey and pitiful, I wandered half-heartedly around the store until I came upon this sight:
I couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry.
It’s hard to know how to feel when you are in the presence of a creepy-ass doll.
Especially one that is missing its body.
The most disturbing thing about the doll head, however, was not its drunken, half-closed eyes or lack of body.
It was the fact that somebody actually had the idea to try and sell it. Who in their right mind would purchase a creepy-ass doll head?
Unfortunately, I didn’t check the price tag because checking the price tag would mean I’d have to touch the creepy-ass doll head.
After snapping a quick picture, I got the heck away only to stumble upon this sight two seconds later:
Whoa! Who did this doll’s make-up?
Not only was this creepy-ass doll way too tan, she looked like she had been strangled in her chair and left for dead. Curious as to whether the doll’s face looked as frightening as the rest of her body, I reached up (she was on a high shelf) and snapped a picture.
I couldn’t decide which was creepier: the floating doll head or the doll who looked like she was ready to blow chunks.
In the end, I decided that this creepy-ass statue had them both beat:
After bumping into this fellow, I decided to have my camera at the ready for the remainder of the shopping trip.
What’s more creepy than a creepy-ass doll?
A creepy-ass naked doll!
Not only is this doll naked, it’s eyes are suspiciously looking off to one side which tells me that when this doll grows up, it will become a streaker.
Or a pedophile.
This skeleton doll (or a Joan Rivers doll…I can’t decide) has the fattest fingers I have ever seen on a…well, a skeleton.
And the flashiest makeup.
And the frilliest outfit.
Hey, what’s this creepy-ass doll trying to prove, anyway?
After a while, every item in the store began looking creepy-assed. Take this painting for example:
The clown is smiling.
Because he has figured out a clever way to murder me in my sleep.
Oh, but I’ve saved the creepiest for last, people.
The most creepy-assed thing you have ever laid eyes on.
You can turn back now.
You’ve been warned…..
I am cringing right now.
What purpose do hands at the base of a lamp serve except to scare the living daylights out of people?!
Perhaps you don’t find these lamps as disturbing as I do.
If this is the case, then you are creepy!
Whenever I look upon these pale, slender hand stumps, I am reminded of a Freddy Krueger episode involving a pizzeria, a blender and red-tipped ladies’ fingers.
(shudder) And that’s all I’m gonna say about that!
In the end, even though we were unable to visit the farmer’s market, Dave and I had a successful shopping trip…despite all of the creepiness.
I found Dave an old pipe.
And Dave found me a sweet little cup and saucer set.
All’s well that ends well.
I still went to bed with a knife under my pillow that night.
If, for some reason, you want to see more creepy-ass dolls, check out this book by Stacey Leigh Brooks entitled:
Once again, I still can’t decide whether to laugh or cry.