As many of you know, I VERY MUCH dislike this thing:
I dislike this thing so very much that I have created a list of reasons for why I dislike it:
My 10 Reasons For Disliking This Thing
1. It is an eyesore.
2. It is a safety hazard. (Please see unstable cinder-block foundation)
3. It is an eyesore.
4. It is falling apart.
5. It is blocking the tree that I need to have cut down.
6. The tree that I need to have cut down is uprooting our fence and is tangled in the power lines. And this thing is blocking that tree!
7. It is an eyesore.
8. It is full of scary piles of trash.
9. Something living in the scary piles of trash grunted at me the first time I ever opened the door to this thing.
10. It is an eyesore.
Sometime over Christmas, my “dislike” transitioned to “destroy” so I called a local junk hauler to see how much he would charge to demolish and remove the shed.
Apparently the demolition and removal of a dilapidated shed costs a small fortune in this town…which means that if I want this thing out of my yard come springtime, Dave and I will have to *gulp* tear it down and haul it off ourselves.
You have no idea how much I am dreading this!
But before we can even begin to dismantle the shed…we have to clean the garbage out of it first.
For reasons that are beyond my fathoming, the former tenants of our home chose to pack the shed to the gills with their garbage.
Who does that???
And so, to avoid wasting an entire day cleaning garbage out of a shed, I have taken it upon myself to empty it a little at a time into our weekly garbage collection bin.
This past weekend, I removed the first batch.
Pulling on my hardiest work gloves, I marched right up to the great beast and stared it right in the
I am not afraid of you, ugly shed! I announced.
Then, with quavering hand, I reached out and opened the door…
I don’t know how long I stood there staring at the garbage, wondering where to start, before I finally clenched my teeth and reached for the closest bag.
It was full of beer bottles and used kitty litter…which began to spill out onto my feet because the plastic of the trash bag had deteriorated.
And then I screamed in my throat.
Once I removed all of the garbage bags within my reach, I moved on to this:
Doesn’t this swimming pool liner look like a big blue body bag?
I thought so, too.
Which is why I shrieked when a human bone rolled out of it.
Even though the human bone turned out to be a bamboo pole, I became so paranoid that I decided to call it a day.
My trash receptacle may have been brimming, but the shed looked as if I hadn’t removed a thing:
Hey! What is THAT on the floor??
These people purchased flowers??
People who toss bags of garbage into a rotting shed do not strike me as gardeners.
But perhaps I shouldn’t judge…after all, they might have needed those flowers to help their jugs of used motor oil look more earth-friendly.
Wednesday is garbage-collection day which means that when I get home I will have 200 gallons worth of empty space to fill again!
But maybe, just maybe, if I keep this up I will have a nice empty dilapidated shed on my hands by spring.
And that, to me, is worth a kitty litter bath and a few human remains.