where i’ve been for the past 3 weeks


Monday

“I didn’t feel like cooking tonight so I bought a frozen pizza.  Is that okay?”

Tuesday

“I’m home early because I was just too tired to go to the gym after work.  Can we have frozen pizza again?”

Wednesday

“I might as well skip the gym the rest of the week.  If anything, it will give us time to catch up on The Walking Dead.  Pepperoni or Stuffed Crust?”

Thursday

“Maybe we should stick with Supreme.  We need to eat more vegetables.”

Friday

“It’s Friday.  I’m wearing my yoga pants to work today.”

Saturday

“Day two and my yoga pants are still clean.  Wearing them again.”

Sunday

“And again.”

Monday

“And again.” 

Reminder: Pick up frozen pizza on the way home from work–I have a coupon.”

*******************************************************************************

Above is a description of how I have been living, not just these past few weeks, but these past few months. 

At first, I just figured I was in a funk.  Then, after a month had passed, I realized I was in a rut.  And now, two months later, I can no longer fit into my fat pants.  This can only mean one thing: I’ve hit a wall.

If I could chalk up my reason for this wall in one word it would be this:

DISCONTENTMENT.

It all started the last week of September when Dave and I returned to Texas after a wonderful week in Maine.  Still feeling the glow of the state, we immediately began discussing the possibilities of moving there.  Here was our [mostly my] reasons for wanting to move:

-Texas summers (One hundred and thirty straight days of 100+ degree weather?  Are you KIDDING me?)

-Texas springs (104 degrees in March???  AND tornado watches?  Are you KIDDING me?)

-Texas autumns (90 degrees in November?  Are you KIDDING me?)

-Texas winters (Hot and sunny on Christmas?  Are you KIDDING me?)

-Lack of water (So far, our town has enough water to last about 30 more years.  WHAT?)

-Lack of opportunities (This region is all we’ve ever known and let’s face it–what does West Texas really have to offer two people looking to grow professionally or artistically or at the very least, a garden?)

As you can tell, I’ve had some very negative feelings towards Texas lately.  Sorry to all you Texans out there, but the climate has left me feeling a little chewed up and spit out.  Pitooey!

Despite all of it’s scorching qualities, however, Texas contains two very important things: our families and our home.  And after pouring our hearts into our fixer upper these past couple years, it would be a shame to never see it completed.

So then we decided we would stay in Texas with the penciled-in plan of moving to Maine in five years.

Somewhere between not knowing where to be and almost losing my dad to cancer in October, I just lost vision for my life, my body, my blog, the whole kit and caboodle.

I really do miss writing, though, and I have especially missed all of you.  I miss your comments, and the overall feeling that I am connected in a deep way to both friends and complete strangers.  I even spent forty-five minutes on Thanksgiving with my fingers poised above the keyboard trying to express my gratitude for your readership.  But all I could think of to say was “Thank You,” and you deserve better than that.  (But seriously, thank you.)

Thankfully, I came back up for air this week, and it has been so refreshing to exercise and cook dinner again.  (I’m talking actual cooking, not just heating up a DiGiorno’s.)

The only thing that’s missing is the writing which I still feel….hesitant about.  Here’s why:

Have you ever lived in a rented house or apartment for so long that you just couldn’t wait to move into a place to make and call your own?

Have you ever taken a sip of spoiled milk and thought, “What the?  This tasted fresh yesterday”?

I have felt discontent with the look and flow of my blog site for quite some time now, and am having a slow time acquiring the know how/right help to make it everything I want it to be.  There are bigger and better places that I want to go, but I feel very held back in this old shell of a blog.

Time for a new home.

Same name, but new home.

With better fonts!

And a better layout!

And better photography!

And better recipes!

Better EVERYTHING!

And it will get better, by golly.

I just need the time and tools and then some more time.

Thank you all for being so patient with me during my funk and my rut and my wall.  Your patience (and mine) will be rewarded.  (Sooner than later, hopefully.)

*********************************************

Since there was a lot of discussion about frozen pizza today, I thought I would share one of my most favorite Saturday Night Live Commercials with you.  Enjoy!

Almost Pizza

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16 thoughts on “where i’ve been for the past 3 weeks

  1. You asked, “Have you ever lived in a rented house or apartment for so long that you just couldn’t wait to move into a place to make and call your own?”

    You are preaching to the choir, literally. Oct 2011 we sold a home I lived in for 25 years. We couldn’t find a new nest we liked, desired, could afford and have been renting ever since. All my worldly possessions are in storage. Annoying contractors have been in the condo next door renovating since last January, they continually play rap music full blast, all day long…last week I had a melt down. They dislike me, I loath them.

    The only thing that saves the day, is the love of my husband, my too furry friends, the dream of our someday home and blogging. I’ve made true friends here while stretching my creative wings.

    I hope you’ll continue to write, I’ve enjoyed your posts. They’ve made me laugh and let me tell you, somedays I really need a good diversion.

    Hang in there. x

    • Oh wow! What an icky place to be. And yet, why must the icky places bring the most amazing things? Thank you for your words of encouragement.
      Let’s hang on (and sometimes claw into) together!

  2. Leilani, it’s so good to see you in my inbox again! I think any of us who’ve lived for a certain amount of time have been where you are. I think sometimes we have to sink before we come up again even better than we were before succumbing to pizza and yoga pants. 🙂 I’ve never been to Texas, but I’ve been wondering how any of you can tolerate that heat. I’ve been in the northwest my whole life, and I thought the heat this summer there would do me in. It definitely affected my well-being. I know it’s nothing compared to what others lived through–but everything’s relative, right?

    Looking forward to seeing your next chapter.

    • YES! Sinking is the word. I even told Dave I feel like I have to keep floating down in order to get that good “kick-off” from reaching the bottom. Ya know? People say: Don’t move to the North because the winters are terrible! and Don’t move to Seattle because the rain is just terrible. I agree that it IS relative because it is so hot and dry here that people’s foundations of their home have begun to settle and crack and farmers have had to sell land and cattle, etc., etc. There are extremes in every area, you just have to decided which one you are willing to put up with.
      Thanks for your encouragement yet again and blessings on your home reno! You’ve posted so much cute stuff!

  3. I always call “Abilene the Come Back town.” Young people who grow up here they need to leave. They need to learn about Culture, make better money and learn about life. They have children in the big city and then the fear sits in about safety for their children they come back home. They see their Parents getting older they come back to help and several other reason also. Leave but remember to bring back your knowledge, your love of want you want to do. Leave and Abilene will welcome you home anytime.

    • That is so good Vickie. I have told my mom to get used to cold weather because she is coming with us when she is too old to take care of herself. 🙂 Love you, Vivi.:)

  4. You make me laugh, and feel so much more normal. My rut has been going on two years now. I finally gave up and bought bigger pants. I also gave up going outside when it’s over 100 degrees here in Texas, so I’ve become a hermit. Come over next week. We’ll cook real food, laugh about our fat pants, play with cats and dream and scheme about our big life changes.

  5. As a fellow Texan, I feel your pain. As we trecked out into the 85 degree heat to cut down our Chirstmas Tree yesterday, it was difficult, to say the least, to get excited about Christmas and cutting down trees and hot cocoa…in 85 degree weather as we wore shorts and sweated to “Frosty the Snowman.” Blah!!!!! I have missed your blog posts. Glad you are back.

    “This too shall pass”…or ya know…move to Maine 😀

    Texas “winters” are seriously blah inducing. As well as our scorcher summers, and weird autumns….

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